


Last words

by WilliahMagala



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: After John's death, Angst, Even if I love her, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I guess you can say that it's fluff, Letter, M/M, No Eliza in this, it's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 08:11:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14351454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WilliahMagala/pseuds/WilliahMagala
Summary: After John's death a letter with Alex's name on it is found. What does it say ?(I'm not good at summarize)





	Last words

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this during my finals, literally, so hope you will like it !
> 
> Also this is my first work here, so if you have critics please tell me !

            -Mr Hamilton ? We found this in soldier Laurens' stuff. It has your name on it.

         

          The soldier left as soon as he gave him the letter. Hamilton couldn't really blame him, according to Lafayette he looked miserable, “a face scary enough to wake up a dead man” he said or something like that, a french saying. “Wake up a dead man” huh ? Dear lord how he wished it was true so he could bring John to life. John. His beloved John died three days ago now and Hamilton still couldn't believe it.

 

          He stared at the letter in his hand. John wrote it for him. His last words, sort of. Alexader didn't want to read it. He wanted to. Maybe he should ripe it to avoid tentation. No, he should cherish it. What to do ? Hide it. No. Read it. No. He was lost. Should he ask Lafayette ? No. This was his letter, John wrote it for _him_. He traced the name on the paper with his thumb. He felt the tears burning his eyes, he couldn't. Not now. He wasn't strong enough. With a sigh he put the letter on his desk, under a huge pile of paperwork he, for once, couldn't push himself to do.

 

                                                            _I need alcohol. Lots of it._

 

          He went to Lafayette and Hercules to drink,with some others soldiers. But it wasn't the same without John here to scream, laugh and just be here. The pints of Sam Adams were disgusting, it tasted like their first kiss. Awful first kiss. They were both too drunk, too awkward, too nervous for it to be good. And yet now Alex would even agree with Burr on something just to kiss John again, to have this horrible first kiss again. Just once. Alcohol was a horrible idea. It bringed back so many memories, so many good memories. But if they were good then why did he want to cry and even throw up ?

 

          He went back to his tent. The letter. He needed to read it. He needed John. He pushed the pile of paperwork on the ground, not caring about the mess he was making. John. The letter. Eventually he found it, sat on his bed-the bed where he told John he loved him for the first time, and John said it back, the bed where he showed him his love for the first time, it felt like a hundred years ago, so unreal- and with adeep breath opened it.

 

_My dear Alexander,_

_Before I met you I was a young boy thinking that happiness wasn't for me, that I will never have one of those ridiculously perfect romance with my “soulmate” like in the books my sisters read. But then you came into my life and for the first time ever I felt happy. Truly happy. Oh don't get me wrong I love Laf and Herc, they are great friends but it lacked of something. You are the something Alexander. I began to imagine what it would be to have one of those ridiculously perfect romance with my “soulmate”. With you. You are my soulmate Alexander. But then again I thought it was impossible for me to have someone like you, so when we first kissed, oh dear such an horrible kiss wasn't it ? When we first kissed I felt so loved, and I still feel that way even hundred miles away from you, I felt loved in such a passionate way. In such a Hamilton way. In a way I don't deserve. You changed my life Alexander, you made me realise that my dream of a back batallion, of ending slavery was possible, was great. You listenned to me, you never asked me to shut up about my political views. No, you encouraged me and supported me the whole time. And for that I will never thank you enough. I feel like I didn't show you my love enough. But is there really enough words, enough gestures, enough time for me to show you how much I love you ? You are the smartest, kindest, funniest, subbornest, sweetest, most annoying and most beautiful man I've ever met, you're the best of men and, if only we had the chance to marry each other, no doubt that you would be the husband the world has ever seen. Even “I love you” is too weak to express how I feel everytime I see you. I cherish you, I adore you, I worship you. I can't find a suitable word for this. My soul, my heart, everything I have and everything I am is yours._

_My love, if you read this letter then it means that I'm dead. May it be as a hero so it's how you will remember me. Please don't mourn me, I don't deserve it. Save your tears for the moment we will finally meet again. Take your time my dearest, finish your dream. Make this beautiful country of ours greater than anything before. Make me proud, even if I already am and always will be. I will wait for you. Yours until the end of time, John Laurens_

 

        Alexander was now fully crying. His John loved him that much ? How blessed and happy he felt. How sad and destroyed he felt. If only he could tell him that he, his Alexander, felt the exact same way, if not more. He looked up and saw his paperwork spread on the ground. That's right, he didn't have time to cry, he had to work to create the country he and John dreamt of. John's country. So when his end would come he would be able to see the radiant face of his ove, telling him how proud he was.

 

       There was so much to do, he began to write like he was running out of time.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this is shorter than what I thought it would be ! Anyway thank you very much for reading


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